


New Year's Resolution Fail

by goldfishsunglasses



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, Humor, M/M, actual exercise gasp, tiny blood mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-13 00:40:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5687920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldfishsunglasses/pseuds/goldfishsunglasses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil decides that 2016 will finally be the year they get fit, and persuades Dan to take up cycling. The only problem? Dan can’t keep his eyes on the road, and Phil just can’t stop being Phil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	New Year's Resolution Fail

_Normally_ , when people say their boyfriend has a killer ass, it’s a joke to lighten the mood.

 _Typically_ , when people say their boyfriend has a killer ass, it’s an exaggeration to flatter an ego.

 _Usually_ , when people say their boyfriend has a killer ass, they don’t actually mean it.

“Well,” muttered Dan as he surveyed the damage on the grass in front of him, “I guess I’m the lucky guy.

___

The cold air bit Dan’s cheeks as he pedaled harder, trying to keep up with his boyfriends faster pace. Phil had always been the fitter one, and also the one to suggest they try another method to actually incorporate some exercise into their lives. Dan could never say no to Phil, even if it meant waking up before noon and riding a goddamn bicycle along the Thames.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t allowed to complain about it.

"I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.” He called.

“What?”

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this!”

“What?!”

“I _said_ I can’t believe–oh never mind!”

With any decent hope of conversation gone with the wind, Dan let his mind, and eyes, wander.

That’s how he found himself gazing unabashedly at Phil’s ass. It was hard to ignore, right there on display and encased in spandex.

Dan had opted for an outfit that was little less form-fitting, but Phil, oh god Phil, had got it in his head that if they were going to do this, they were going to do it right. He’d gone and bought himself a jersey and a pair of fucking bike shorts, and Dan couldn’t stop staring. Well, not so much staring as leering. He was focused so hard on the sight before him that he didn’t notice the bump in the pavement until his front wheel jerked, snapping his attention back to the present.

And that’s when he saw it.

It was large and grey, definitely not a native one, and he narrowly avoided another bump as he desperately tried to get his boyfriend’s attention.

“Phil! Phil!! There’s a fucking squirrel on your back!”

Phil somehow managed to hear Dan yelling, and he jerked his head sideways to see a squirrel hanging onto the backpack Dan made him carry that day, claws digging into the fabric and fear in its tiny eyes. He recoiled immediately, remembering what happened the last time a squirrel was that close, and lost control of his bike, sending his backpack and the frightened animal flying. He landed on the grass, long limbs tangled underneath the bicycle. Dan tried to stop much too quickly, and he found himself on the grass as well, albeit a few metres away.

This could only happen to Phil, Dan thought.

“Well,” he said wryly, looking over at the mess that was his boyfriend, “I guess I’m the lucky guy.”

“Dan!” Phil cried frantically as he tried get up. Hearing the distress in Phil’s voice, Dan panicked and scrambled over to his side.

“What’s wrong?”

Phil looked up, worry etched in his features.

“Do you think the squirrel is okay?”

“Do I…do I think…the fucking–forget about the squirrel, Phil! What about you?!”

“I’m fine, but my dignity’s not.”

“Like you had much of that to begin with.” He snorted.

Phil pretended to scowl, and Dan returned his glare with a mixture of fondness and exasperation.

“Jesus, Phil, what is it with you and squirrels?”

“I don’t know! I was probably a bird in my past life.”

“You…what?”

“A bird. Maybe I was a bird and I made a squirrel angry or something.”

“I hope you know I’m tweeting that.”

Phil rolled his eyes. Of course he would deem _this_ worthy enough to text. (Phil was pretty sure Dan forgot, or pretended to forget, his own resolution.) He watched as Dan typed, brow furrowed in concentration as he tried to come up with something clever and witty in less than 140 characters. His face relaxed into a grin as he finished.

“Just need to add an emoji…ooh there’s a squirrel one!”

“Actually, that’s a chipmunk.” Phil corrected him.

“It’s close enough.”

“Are you _really_ going to tweet that?”

“You nearly killed me, I think I have a right to share this with the internet.” He held up his phone to snap a picture to go with the tweet when he noticed Phil’s leg was bleeding. _Shit_. He knew he had to act fast before Phil noticed and freaked out, or worse, fainted. There was no way he could get two bikes and his 6’ 2” boyfriend home by himself. He pretended to take the picture and slowly made his way over to Phil.

“Don’t freak out, okay?”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t. freak. out.”

He pulled off his jacket and wrapped it around Phil’s leg, holding it in place with one hand and pocketing his phone with the other. Phil watched with curiosity as Dan tied it securely, gently checking to make sure the knot was tight enough to stay on.

“Whatcha doing there?”

“You’re bleeding.”

“I am?”

“Don’t look at it, okay? I’ve got you.”

With Dan’s help, Phil limped over to a tree and sat down. He watched Dan move the bikes off the path before joining Phil on the ground, wrapping an arm around him and pulling him close. Now that he was sure Phil was okay, the absurdity of the situation hit Dan and he started to giggle. Phil joined in, and the giggling soon morphed into loud, full belly laughs. Dan’s shoulders shook as tears ran down his face. He turned to see Phil in a similar state. Dan leaned his head back against the tree, high beginning to fade. He shuffled a bit to retrieve his phone again, and took a quick picture. Phil looked annoyed, and Dan grinned sheepishly.

“Don’t worry, that’s just for me.”

They sat in silence for the next few minutes until it was broken by Dan.

“You know there’s no way anyone will believe this story, right?”

“Really? I was thinking of making a video about it.”

“Do you really want to admit to the internet that you got attacked by a squirrel again?”

“I guess you’re right, it does seem a bit silly.”

“D’you think you can walk on your own yet?”

Phil stood up and tested his weight on his injured leg, grimacing slightly.

“Probably enough to get home. You’re going to have to carry me up the stairs though.”

“I can barely get up the stairs as it is.” Dan whined as he got up as well.

“It can count as the exercise you were supposed to get today.”

“It can count as my exercise for the _year_.”

Phil snickered as he led the way down the path. Dan snuck one last quick glance at his retreating figure.

Yes, his boyfriends ass was _definitely_ going to kill him.


End file.
